Hot Tub Time! FML

Really, will it never end?

As a self-advocate in this journey of mine, this morning I called the General Surgeon Dr G's office to whom I was referred to do my lymph node biopsy.  The answering voice told me to leave a detailed message.  Which I did.  And I waited for the call back.

Which they did.....at 4:50 pm tonight.

I was told by the office person who happens to be the wife of the MD (maybe I am assuming too much, but they had the same last name!) that she remembers my case and she stated that she had 19 other referrals in her inbox, but not mine.   She states she remembers telling my Plastic Surgeon's office before she left on vacation ( August 1 to Aug 12th) that they wouldn't be doing my node biopsy.  I believe she told them it would have to be Dr M....another plastic surgeon.

She even put Dr G on the phone to talk to me about it - he didn't say too much - he sounded more surprised that she handed me off to him, but he did reiterate the same thing - that they sent all cases like mine to Dr M. and that the margins taken from my melanoma were insufficient and I would need to be referred to someone else to have it excised even more plus do the biopsy and possible excision of nodes.

 At least he sounded like a pleasant guy.   He handed off the phone back to his wife who generously gave me the name and number of the office gal at Dr M's office and told me I should give all information to the other MD's gal and she would get together all the information needed for the referral.

As soon as I hung up, the phone rang again immediately - it was my realtor

"How are you?"  she asked as a polite social-conversation-starter, not as an actual question.

Needless to say I was a blubbering mess, and she got more than an earful which included bits and pieces of the conversation I had with my MD....and not in chronological order and  quite possibly partly unintelligible.

Then I asked her..."Can I help you with something?" between sniffles and sobs.

She needed more forms from the management of the property we owned that we are now selling because I am already starting to simplify our lives and put things in order, because that's what I do.

By the time that phone call ended,  all hope of phoning any of the MD's offices and getting anyone on the phone was zero.   I did try though.  

Nada.

My husband walks through the door to a frantic wife.

He had a great suggestion.

"Now, wouldn't this be a great time for your ativan? Can I get it for you?"

That's not the only good suggestion he had.

His iPhone still had the number for my Plastic Surgeon...so I sent him a message which he promptly answered:

My question in blue, his reply below it. I edited out names

 My husband's phone then rang.....it was the Plastic Surgeon.  He wanted to chat with me.

I told him everything that had been said and he told me he would talk to Dr G himself  and figure everything out and call me back tomorrow.

I apologized for taking up his free time.   He told me it was OK, he was just going into the OR.  I wished him luck - and that was the end of the call.

So - It's another night of hurry up and wait.  Thank goodness I went to my GP yesterday and topped up on my ativan and zopiclone. 

The ativan finally kicked in, but not before horrible stuff flashed through my brain nearly sending me into a vortex of panic.  "Everyone is trying to kill me!" I blubbered to my husband.

I decided breathing exercises might help.

The phone rang again.

Normally I don't answer the phone if it is suspicious, but lately, most of the calls today displaying  "unknown caller" have been important, so I picked up.

It was a Telemarketer, wanting to do a survey..........

I hate to admit this,  but I played the cancer card again.  I sniffled  "I just got really bad news,that  I have cancer and I need surgery right away and I am too devastated to talk....do you mind?"  The gentleman apologized and hung up politely with no further convincing required.

Shame on me.

Right now I feel like I am stuck on a macabre merry-go-round and I can't get off. You know, the dark kind where ugly scarey clowns keep popping up out of nowhere grabbing at you....

I am going to think positively and believe that my young MD plastic surgeon is going to come through for me.

Meanwhile, the most relaxing thing I can think of doing right now, is the hot tub.

So that's where you will find me.

Please leave a message if you call.