it's A Waiting Game

I just realized I left you all hanging.

I finally got that urology consult.

It only took a week but you know how long a week takes when you are waiting for information.  My  'nurse brain' was telling me that one week wasn't going to make any difference, but the patient in me was getting anxious about the wait - and the wait was heightening my anxiety.

The 'nurse brain' observed with interest the patient in me panicking.

My RN girlfriend obliged to accompany me the day of my Urology visit.... you know, the one that I worked with at the prison.  I have mentioned her in past posts.

 She knows every urologist between here and Vancouver due to a family member with renal problems - and also from working in PAR in the local hospital.

When the doc finally called us in to the office  - it was like homecoming week.  The first 10 minutes of the consult was the two of them catching up on their subsequent lives since last they worked together.

Then down to business.

Once he knew we were RNs, he felt free to talk "medicalese" while explaining what was going on with my kidney.  For nurses, "medicalese" is more accurate when it comes to the nuances of what is going on, rather than the generalizations of what your average patient might get.  He pulls up both the actual CT and ultrasound and goes into great detail about what we are looking at. I get up and go behind his desk to look over his shoulder and look a little more closely at the forms on the screen, feeling free to ask questions.

I verbalized my concern about the conflicting reports and asked why -  if e CT is the "gold standard"  - why would they be leaning more to relying on the results of the ultrasound?

Seems that the cyst - or whatever the 'thing' is appearing on my left kidney - is so small at 2 centimetres, it is difficult to accurately determine but "probability based on the ultrasound" says its a cyst.....but just in case, he is going to recommend a repeat ultrasound every 6 months for the next couple years with his follow-up visits just to keep an eye on it.

Apparently, stats show, even if it is carcinoma, renal cancer is slow growing and the chances of metastases at his size of tumour is about 1.1% and at the moment, so he says, it's more prudent to wait and see.  He pulled out his charts and pointed out the red line where he would start to do something about it - at 3 centimetres.

I was content with that (albeit slightly uneasy) because my girlfriend had been to her own MD the day before ( his office was fortuitously shared with the said urologist),  and he had replied to my girlfriend's inquiry about the MD Urologist neighbour, " You never heard it from me, but he tends to be a little 'knife-happy'".

A "knife happy" MD that says it's best to wait - well, there is some reassurance in that.

There is also some reassurance in the fact they will keep a close eye on me.   Between my q6 month dermatology appointments and my q6 month urology visits....I think I am covered - for now.

I also give credit for my coping skills to my daily dose of cipralex that I have been on for a month now.

Meanwhile, it's daily inspections of my lymph nodes and the occasional ibuprofen for the kidney pain....although I try not to overdo it on the advice of my girlfriend Laurie who was manager of a Renal Unit in a hospital I used to work at.

And, I am still off work.  Those pesky little panic attacks hit at the weirdest times but I am trying to control them with relaxation techniques and visualization - the advice I have often dispensed to my own patients - and I am starting to think that my own advice has been a lot of smoke and mirrors - because it's not working......

But, at least I am hopeful it eventually will.

So, as we left the urologist's office, I am sure the waiting patients must have wondered at our discussion debating about how lung cancer wasn't the best diagnoses and if one was to have renal cancer, well that's the one to choose......

If it Doesn't rain - it pours!

I have been awaiting my contrast CT results with trepidation, especially since I have been having a lot of breathing issues lately.

I had pleurisy my first year of college and have scarring on my lungs as a result.   The occupational nurse that would follow up on our yearly chest Xrays for TB (yes, they did that!!)  would always run up to me each year all excited and concerned about what was showing up on the screening. So I was used to that.

Then in 2008 there was a scare when a CT of my shoulder inadvertently showed up "nodules" in my  lung - which led to a full CT and the r/o of lesions (or cancer) of the lung.

I occasionally use puffers when I have had a cold or become congested by some unknown environmental irritant ( I think it's cleaning fluids and aerosols - DON'T think it's our cats! of course not! )  So, I must admit I was a little worried.

I was VERY worried when I got a cryptic 3:30 call from my MD office saying that my MD wants to see me the next am.  My dear Cancer Buddy suggested I take an ativan and down it with a glass of wine....I was so freaked. (it worked)  The last time the MD office wanted to see me "quick" was July 4th 2014...the day of my melanoma diagnosis.

I was relieved that the CT showed that my lungs are clear.

HOWEVER.

They did a good job of the IV insert

When I was in getting the CT - I told the gals in Radiology to scoop down a little farther with the CT because I have been having some minor to moderate intermittent Left Kidney pain.   It wasn't strong enough to see an MD or go to emergency.   It usually subsided with a whole lot of fluids and an ibuprofen.  But I had had  it for about a couple years and early this year there was moderate to trace of blood in my urinalysis - with no other UTI symptoms. My renal function tests were fine. I thought it was maybe kidney stones, because it ran in the family.

Lucky the gals in radiology complied....and interestingly enough they discovered a mass that measures 2cmX1.6cmX1.6cm that is "suspicious for a renal neoplasm."  The upshot is  the "Exophytic hypoattenuating mass at the upper pole left kidney is suspicious for a renal cell carcinoma" and I now have an urgent consult to a urologist. The dermatologist didn't think it's related to the melanoma.

Crap.

Back I go to the research and books and studies and treatments.......

I was just starting to feel a little better with the counseling and medication.