Of course I arrived 3/4 hr before I was supposed to, because that's just me. None of this walking in last minute stuff - no - I usually get right in there and allow my anxiety to mount every second I wait.
I see a sign on the reception desk: "Dr Brown is on vacation from June 29 to August 26, so your MD will be Dr Laliberte".
Not good. All that research I did on Dr Brown - down the tube!!
I borrow my husband's iPhone and use my waiting time looking up this new MD on the internet and I find absolutely nothing except for a brief blurb that he was born in Saskatchewan, did his university in Manitoba and then did 2 fellowships - one in Rio de Janiero Brazil and the other in San Francisco California. He just got his certification that allows him to practice as a plastic surgeon last summer.
No reviews, no history, no nothing for the past year since his certification. It's almost like he's never existed!
So - after a manic but futile last minute search - Dr Laliberte calls me into his office and we get to chatting.
You know, the usual stuff:
MD: "Are you a smoker?"
ME: "Never." (had I said yes, he told me that he wouldn't have done surgery - the skin wouldn't tolerate it)
MD: "How much do you drink?"
ME: "About twice a month, one glass of wine, when I remember."
MD: "How is your health history?"
ME: "Only medication is Nitrospray for my recent diagnosis of Coronary Micrvascular Spasms." (that will be another story - ditched the Nifedipine due to potential life shortening symptoms)
MD: "So, I am going to have to take 2 cm's off all the way around the nevus (all told 5cm by 5 cm patch off my left cheek) so I will be cutting vertical the full length beside your ear, across where the crease is below your eye and down where the crease is by your nose and along the jaw. You will be missing a fair chunk (approx 5 sq cm) right on the cheekbone, so I will slide the skin over, and use a skin graft next to your ear."
ME: "Well doc - It's not about saving face here...."
MD: "Can I use that one?" he half-smiles.
ME: "Sure.....and by the way - feel free use a fish hook and raffia to sew me up....it's all about getting rid of every scrap of the cancer as far as I am concerned. I really don't care what I look like when you are done."
MD: (Looking very serious, newbie that he is - trying to convince me that he is indeed competent....) "I will do a very good job, you will hardly see it....almost like a little face lift procedure."
ME: "Oh great! A lopsided face lift! LOL. Could you maybe even it out - do the other side later if there happens to be a huge difference?"
MD: "Certainly! But Dr Brown would follow up with that..."
Cute guy. If I was in my 20s I might be a little star struck and or be worried about scarring....but the wonderful thing about being older (I am now 59!) - you don't really give a rip about one's looks as much. It's quite the emancipation!
Once you get to my age - nobody looks at you. Even my friends didn't notice that ugly nevus on my left cheek. Natural and gradual body deterioration over the years is a benefit. It prepares you for moments like this where half your face is about to be carved off.
I had gotten my fill of attention in my young days and at this point I had already made that adjustment that one has to make when one gets older. No pretending I am not 60 - because it's so obvious I am!
So what's next?
MD: " I will be referring you over to the cancer clinic....and they will do mapping as to where this has gone. Then we will make the arrangements for surgery. I will keep you in overnight (my idea of daycare surgery went out the window with his description of the actual incision) and then go from there."
ME: "So you will send a consult to the Cancer clinic?" This is me actually telling him to do it - nicely.
MD: " I see your MD already did that." (at this point I nosed my way into his chart about me to read it for myself) "But I will send my dictated report/request over. Where it goes I am not sure, because I am not from around here, I don't know how the system works - but I imagine, since you are a nurse, you will be your own advocate, right?"
ME: "you bet I will!" secretly wishing at this point there was someone else who would take up my sword and shield and do the advocating for me.
It sounded so complicated and convoluted...and my energy level presently is in the bottom of the bucket.
By the time the office appointment ended it was too late to contact the Cancer Clinic, so I made my way to the Library and put in a request for the book I found on Google Book Reviews: "Beating Melanoma: A Five Step Survival Guide" by Steven Q Wang - John's Hopkins University Press c2011 and will await the email to pick it up.
It seemed like the best thing to do.
The waiting is killing me.
at my cousin's wedding.
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