My sis in law thinks it would be quite ok to have me go to her son's wedding on August 3rd.
That would be 8 days post op.
From what I am reading on the internet, it might be a little soon to be out and about.
She says they already paid for the plate - $100 per person - whether we come or not (the kids bought the package that automatically includes 120 people, and they didn't count on so many "no" responses and now they (my sis in law) will be paying for plates with no one at them already) so we "may as well come".
I felt a guilt trip coming on.
I am not sure that I will want to be there looking like Frankenstein - and face it - will I really be in the partying mood only one week after major surgery to my face?
It could look as nice as this, although a larger area for me since my melanoma is a little deeper and they will be taking off a larger area : (and by the way, this gal was so brave to document her journey online, you have to read about it here)
Or Like this (taken from a plastic surgeon website advert - helpful hint, I would be looking like the face in the bottom left just in case you are wondering):
I am not sure which would be better. The first one doesn't look too bad at all, but face it, at one week, it's not just going to be a tiny little bit of scar tissue that no one is going to notice. I don't want to ruin anyone's dinner - after all, this is a wedding and everything is supposed to be fun and pretty and light hearted.....
I know I will be stressed out awaiting the new pathology report.
I am also pretty sure I am going to be heavily medicated.
To boot, I have no dresses that can cover up the graft area on my neck. (I have no idea why I am worried about a little chunk out of my neck when it's my face that is going to look like a mess...I am not making sense....)
I will have 8 extra people staying at our house for the wedding arriving 3 days post op and I know that I will have to be arranging stuff including places to sleep and food for everyone.
I am going to be exhausted.
I messaged our regrets to my nephew and told him why. He wrote me the sweetest note back:
That totally blows. Really sorry to hear. One of the most scary words you can ever hear. We understand that the weeks\months after the surgery could be quite intense, so we would like to let you know that there certainly is no pressure on you having to attend if you are feeling brutal that weekend. So don't be stressing about filling a seat or what not, your recovery and comfort level is what is most important to us. But by chance you are up for it, there will always be a spot for you to come. Frankenstein it up, its totally cool. Would love to see you no matter, my White Rock mom.
I love that boy.
When I lived closer to the city- in White Rock, my nephew and his sister both lived with me for 3 years off and on while they went to university. It was a pleasure to have them stay with me, although I know it wasn't easy for them cramped into a 2 bedroom apartment.....but hey - it was free room and board! Great kids. Quiet, fun, never partied at all....they were studious - and I loved having them with me!
I have to admit, his little note made me cry.
We will see how it goes.
As my friends in a cancer chat room said: "One day at a Time".
4 comments:
Your sister in law sounds ignorant, but your nephew seems to have a genuinely kind heart. If I ever have to write notes like that, I hope I'll find words as caring and thoughtful as he did. Best of luck to you, from one half anonymous web hopper to the other.
actually, my sis in law is an RN. I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt that perhaps I either didn't give her enough details or her years of nursing has sort of numbed her sensibilities. It could also be she is overwhelmed slightly, because here it is 5 days before my surgery and she is asking me if I could hem her dress she is wearing as mother of the groom...LOL - NOT going to happen! (I suggested stitch witchery)
I thought perhaps the SIL didn't get it at all, but if she has the medical background then her only excuse is her own pre-wedding event stress level. Otherwise, you seem to have more than your share of insensitive relatives in your circle of support. What a shame. I'm thinking a few lessons of harsh reality might be required - if it would make a difference. /LB
I am very lucky to have several cousins that are closer than sisters to me that are very supportive! Plus an ex sis in-law that is wonderful. I think I will chalk the SIL's stress level to pre-wedding stress. I am trying to be optimistic. :)
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